At the beginning of April I made a very abrupt decision to go on a complete break from dating. For three months.

The reason for the time frame of 3 months is because I have a journal from a company called Project Love. Project Love do this ‘goodbye 2018 hello 2019’ journal, and the idea of it is, every 3 months you set yourself some targets and you write reviews after every 3 months of how you’re feeling and progressed etc. At the start of April I was at a bit of a loss. I honestly didn’t know what 3 targets to give myself.

My targets have been mainly about saving money or paying off debts. And different things to do to help my mental wellbeing. As my mental health has been very bad lately. I’ve constantly been feeling quite worthless.

But why is a break from dating good for my mental health?

People are always making it this big thing that in order to be happy you should be with someone, and ‘putting yourself out there’. But Dating in this generation is HARD. We are literally the most anti social generation ever. But that’s not entirely our fault, we’ve been given modern technology which allows us to not have to communicate with other people… unless it’s behind a screen. We don’t talk to others on public transport, we have our headphones in and are glued to whatever social media app we can’t get off of. So of course we’re now in that completely cut-throat world of online dating. Because it is easier to swipe left or right then it is to speak to someone in a real life scenario.

I have been doing online dating on and off for at least five years, although actually.. plenty of fish has been around for a long time so it’s probably more than that. But as you can tell from my blog topics, it’s not exactly been a success story for me.

The problem is, a lot of us use dating app’s on the pure basis that we’re bored and just fancy a hook up, and that makes it harder for those who are looking for something real on the apps.

In 2018, I met up with at least seven different guys – only one of those did I have a second date with, I also exchanged message conversation with another five or so guys per app, and I was on three apps so that’s over twenty guys I ‘wasted time on’.

After a while, that shit gets exhausting. It is also really degrading when you match with people who just waste your time or don’t even bother to talk to you or make an effort. I am ashamed to admit that over the years, I became so desperate to be with someone that I got quite full on….

I would get overly keen on guys, I’m never good at playing it cool anyway but the truth is, that doesn’t always matter, but it does when the guys you’re wasting all your energy on will never see you as more than a laugh on a rainy afternoon when they’re in between video games.

So, it was my only option. For the sake of my mental health and sanity, I had to give myself a damn break from all these guys. And I needed more respect for myself.

We all deserve happiness, which doesn’t have to be with someone else.

The first month of the hiatus went quite fast so I haven’t really reflected on if I feel like I’m ‘missing anything’, but it has literally been such a huge sigh of relief to not be thinking about dates .

In the last month I’ve managed to spend more time reading books, still not as much as I’d like to just yet but it’s a work in progress, I’m managing to keep distanced from my phone when I need to because I’m not stressing about time limits on messaging strangers, I’m focusing on myself, 100%.

My social anxiety used to make me a bit paranoid about going to things alone in case I got judged. Recently I signed up to an unlimited Cineworld card (because I am a huge film buff and it obviously makes sense) and I’ve been to the cinema to watch a film alone 3 times in the last few days, and it’s actually been really nice, no worrying about the person next to you whispering at crucial parts, no waiting around for someone else when you want to grab food or go pee, it’s all on your own terms! I can sit and laugh, smile and cry as much as I like without being judged. And most importantly, no worrying about when other people are available to see something with you.

I could not recommend activities on your own more. Sometimes you’ve just gotta give yourself love.

Always remember, you can be alone but it does not have to mean that you’re lonely.

Depending on how May and June go for me, I may extend my hiatus if it feels right, or I’ll give dating another go but be more serious about what I’m looking for. But there’s no pressure on myself to jump back on the dating wagon, I am going to do everything in my own time and on my terms.